You see, before booking my first appointment with Beanie, the creator and director of Soulfit Wellness Institute, I had secretly battled anxiety for almost 8 years. It was Beanie who gave me the gentle push I needed to finally tell my fiancé (now husband) and best friend the truth about what was going on for me. She also gave me the pep talk to really own who I was and not be ashamed of my story.
I believe our sessions were so powerful because first and foremost - she is bloody amazing at what she does, but also because she had experienced anxiety too. She knew exactly what I was going through. She didn’t pretend to understand, she knew my pain firsthand. In fact Beanie had anxiety for 20 years, and she was able to overcome it, learn from it and use it to help others.
On her website it says “Beanie has this innate ability, to make everything okay. When you feel like the road is tough and you are embarking on decisions that are outside your comfort zone, she provides space and her own intuition to guide you to your truth no matter what the obstacle. She is passionate about bringing people to their own calling to live out their deepest desires, to create freedom, happiness and in some cases enlightenment.” I couldn’t agree more and it brings me so much joy to share this interview with you. In it she shares her story, her thoughts on anxiety and also explains what kinesiology actually is!
Jade: I just wanted to say thank you so much. Before I saw you, I saw an EFT practitioner, a psychologist and a hypnotherapist. I tried all these different things, read all these different books and you were the first person who said “You need to be you and you need to own your shit”. You were the first person to say that. You said “Anxiety is your trophy - be proud of it”. I remember thinking “Holy shit… no-one has ever said that to me”.
Beanie: We’re always taught what’s wrong with us. Not what’s right with us. The gold in anxiety is understanding what it is. And you’ve done that. You’ve looked back on the last two years and said “Even though I have anxiety, I can still do all of these things.” You just sat down and you said “I got married, and I finished my coaching and I’m working” and there’s so much that you’re doing. You’re not hiding under a table saying I can’t step out today, and literally just from your doing, you can look back on the last two years and notice you’re less anxious. Anxiety becomes a feeling and you can observe it now.
Jade: Awareness is everything and I didn’t really have that before meeting you. And I spent so long trying to cure the symptoms of it that I didn’t look within and go “What’s causing the anxiety?” I realised the fear and the nervousness and the blushing and sweating was this fear of people not liking me.
Beanie: But then, doesn’t every feeling we have go under the anxiety banner? When I used to have anxiety, if I’d eat certain foods, people would say “it’s just your digestive system”. And I’d be like – “No it’s not”. But now what I know about health… bad food or stuff that wasn’t good for me, would give me heart palpitations and I couldn’t differentiate between that anxious state and an environmental cause. And either way, the understanding is neither of them are me.
For any anxious person, that’s the hardest part because when you’re in it, you almost defend it and protect it. “Don’t you dare - don’t you tell me what it is, how it should be and how I can feel different!”. Because we build up such a safety net around it that it’s almost a drowning effect of suffocating yourself and barricading yourself in from your life. You talk about awareness and awareness is going from that barricade and all you need is the tiniest little piece of yourself to be able to jump out over the wall, have a look back in and that’s when you can have a little “Holy Fuck” moment and you go “Wow – that doesn’t actually look good” – and you’re detached from it. I am not ‘it’. I’m just feeling it. It’s not comfortable by any means. Things come up to challenge you because we’re really stepping out now. Before we could get away with keep living our lives - now we’re stepping up into a higher level of consciousness.
Jade: It kind of feels like you have no choice – you have to step up or you’re going to be stuck in this.
Beanie: Yes – you’ll feel stuck and that’s not to make people feel like they can’t get out. It’s a choice and it doesn’t mean you won’t feel challenged by it. We have to be challenged. Let’s bring these feelings up to the surface so we can let them go. Where I am on my journey is understanding that all feelings are just feelings, so not to attach to any of them per se, and just ride it as a wave. Because sometimes we are on top of the wave, sometimes we are sitting back waiting for waves to come, sometimes we’re getting thrown around in the whitewash hoping to come up for air. None of which ever lasts forever.
Jade: So that’s how you create detachment from anxiety? Knowing it will come and go?
Beanie: It’s being very aware and I think the challenge for anxious people is they are so overly aware of every feeling. The nervous system is so over-stimulated. You’re literally just living next to yourself. It’s like you can’t be comfortable or safe enough to just sit in you. So you’re standing next to yourself, waiting for fear.
If anxiety comes from the mind, then all we have to do is ask ourselves - how important is the mind and how good is it at making decisions for us? Dissect that. And I would say it’s not very good because it doesn’t understand the difference between reality and fiction, so why are we trusting it with our life’s decisions? It’s almost like asking a child to make your decisions because it only knows what it’s been told. It can come in with a collective subconscious and a universal consciousness and it can also come with past karma. But all of those things are changeable and all of those things are healable. The brain is malleable, as we know through neuroplasticity. So why do we place 99% of our beliefs, our actions, our feelings, our truth - what we believe to be our truth - on that? When it’s only got the information that someone else put in there?
What we know scientifically now is that the heart and the heart brain - which is an actual brain in the heart – has an electromagnetic field that is 8m off the body. And only 8m because that’s all they could measure; their machines couldn’t measure any further. They believe it to be our connection to each other, to consciousness itself. So that electromagnetic field connects to what we call omnipresence or what is known as the divine matrix, all those spaces in between.
Jade: And how do we build that? It’s your intuition, right?
Beanie: Yeah it is – there’s been a lot of studies on it and there’s some people doing some amazing things with it. The heart reacts at least 60 x faster than the brain, so the practice is to bring your awareness down into your heart. I get people to literally put their hand on their heart and be really aware of it. Be aware of it beating, be aware of its presence and that feeling of breathing into that space and then ask a question. The answer you get will be really subtle, it will happen within two seconds. If you don’t get an answer within two seconds, the brain will come in and it will tell you a different story. And that’s OK. You take your hand away, take some breaths, you reset, shake it off and you come back into the heart. And the more you practice that, the more you will start getting answers. Sometimes you will ignore it because you don’t like the answer and other times you ask is this in my highest good?
You cannot trust your ego to make that decision for you when your ego is in the mind. The ego will confuse things. We don’t ignore the brain, we just don’t get it to do higher frequency stuff, because it can only manifest in that frequency and if you look at any meditative teaching – they all try to get rid of the mind.
Jade: For people wanting to connect to their heart, would you say this voice is a more loving thought? Is that how they would know?
Beanie: Absolutely. You know, truthfully. We were all born into love. So that means we are all deserving of it. It’s only what the brain learns along the way that isn’t love that shows us anything different. And how we choose to perceive then, becomes our reality. But it’s not reality, because we’re living from the brain.
We talk about the Age of Aquarius and moving into a new state of consciousness, and by that I don’t mean we all become puffs of smoke and disappear, we literally become aware, and that awareness creates a different type of living. Because when we’re unaware, we can make excuses. When we’re unaware, we can destroy the planet. When we’re unaware, we can destroy ourselves and we cannot take accountability for anything we do. We come from generations of not taking accountability of our actions and behaviours.
Hell is in our minds. Heaven is awakening and being conscious. And when you’re in an anxious state you don’t feel like you have control and you feel like you don’t have power. Because the whole entire means of trying to stay in control is what keeps you in that cycle in the first place. And I definitely would have told you, I got to that point where it all got too much and I got so fed up with it.
Jade: Can we talk about that for a little bit, because I know you’ve experienced anxiety. What was that like for you? When did it start for you?
Beanie: It started when I was about 10. And to be honest the age I’m giving purely because I can’t remember the exact date. I can remember back to 5 or 6 when I was hoping to bend spoons with my mind and be an energy master and somewhere between then and 10, things got smashed out of me and other people’s things, circumstances, situations, ideas and behaviours created a mentality of not being a great person and not deserving and not feeling safe and OK within myself.
From that distorted reality, through my teenage years, study wasn’t viable because I wasn’t in myself enough to even understand it. Even looking back now at 43 I think - Wow – there’s so much available to you at school and I had no idea.
Through my twenties I trashed myself immensely with drugs and alcohol and I had a lifestyle that was well suited to that too because I was a DJ for 10 years. And when I was in it, it was a freedom from my mind. When I got introduced to drugs I was like “Wow - this is amazing – I don’t have to feel in control because I feel free”. And because of the freedom it gave me and the lack of self-love I had, it was very easy to lose myself.
Jade: Was there a turning point where you said this is enough?
Beanie: Around 30 or 31, I pretty much went – I have two options: I either do something about it or I kill myself. And I had anxiety so there was so no way I was going to kill myself because that just makes you more anxious!
I started doing different things. The first thing I did was a yoga meditation course in Melbourne. More than anything it got rid of my fear of death. It allowed my mind to understand a different level of consciousness that was available to all of us and just possibilities of more than ‘this’…This trying to control living and this confined little space. When you think this is all there is, of course you’re going to feel anxious. If you let go of the fear of death, if you accept it’s a natural part of life - then you can start living. Most people live with that fear and their choice is to avoid that. Funnily enough a lot of people avoid feeling pure ecstasy and pure pleasure because they’re afraid of the come down. So many people don’t allow themselves to get too high because you have to come down to a low at some point. Where’s the flow in all of that? Because something bad can happen, and you can forget about yesterday being amazing. You attach to those feelings, rather than enjoy life.
Jade: What has been the greatest lesson that anxiety has taught you?
Beanie: I would say connection to self. It’s taught me not to be afraid of myself. It’s taught me to know myself better than I probably would have ever before. The gold it’s given me is to help people. We can read books, we can study, we can do all of these things but I can tell you right now - and this goes for you as well - you feel so much more authentic coaching people and helping them see themselves, their truth; their real truth because you’ve had to do it yourself. There is no course or classroom that can teach us that. And for me this is exactly why I feel excited to turn people’s shadows, people’s troubles, into gold. It’s the most overwhelmingly beautiful lesson and to know that can come from anxiety? Thank you anxiety!
Jade: I’d love to get an explanation on what kinesiology actually is and how can it help people who have anxiety?
Beanie: The basis of it comes from the word kinaesthetics, so kinesiology; muscle movement. Pretty much everything you do, 95% is your subconscious brain. So through muscle testing in kinesiology we can ask questions to bypass your conscious brain and work on that subtle level where the belief systems are. You can go into any counselling or psychological space and bullshit your way out of anything. So the element of muscle testing to bypass that is really powerful.
Muscle testing is perfect if I test an emotion. So you might say “I’m OK…” and if muscle testing tells you you’re not OK, then we can find out why by asking questions and testing your body’s muscles to get responses, not your brain. Because your ego is there and your brain only knows what it’s been told. Whereas with your innate body, we’re working with a greater existence and we’re also working with everything that’s stored in your cells. So you can talk about something, and you can do affirmations until the cows come home, but if you have things stored in your cells or belief systems that are deep down within you in your subconscious, it is very challenging to just consciously remove them. Of course we can reprogram them, because we can reprogram the brain to do anything, that’s the beauty of it. We just don’t believe that we can or that it can be that simple. But it got us into anxiety, so it can easily get us out of anxiety. It’s really clearing things that are stored on a deeper level of consciousness and a cellular level.
I’ve had clients who had irritable bowel because they were trying to help someone they loved dearly who has a massive bowel issue. So through their distortion of love and taking on other’s people’s shit – pardon the pun, they’ve created this physical ailment. This one woman was tested by every doctor, she lost 30 kilos and she was tiny. And they said she had nothing wrong with her. I helped her let go of the connection with her daughter because she didn’t want to let go because she thought she was helping her. But once she realised she wasn’t, her physical symptoms went away. So if the mind can be that powerful to create something like that, that shows you and people who are anxious, we are in control. We allow that to happen. And that’s where I say, we’re in control of our mind, but we’re not necessarily in control of our environment. Whatever will happen, will happen. It’s knowing you can flow with it and bounce off it. Sometimes it’s really fucked. Sometimes it feels horrible and you just want it to end and curl up into a little ball. And maybe it is horrible right now. Own that it is. It’s just an emotion. You’re not horrible and you’re not sadness, you’re not anger. It’s just a feeling. If you’re angry, express it so you can move on. But allowing emotions is the most important part and we’ve been taught not to.
Jade: Do you have any final words?
Beanie: Honestly from my heart of hearts, it brings tears to my eyes. I see people, I see you and I see everyone. See yourself in there and see other people around you. I read something once on suicide - how angry people get when someone chooses that. Part of me thinks some people honestly aren’t meant to be here and if they choose that, that’s their choice. But what do they see before they make that decision, in what everyone is doing around them? Are we allowing people to express themselves? Allowing them to feel comfortable and be whoever they are?
We are so conditioned to judge and measure and discriminate. Communicating how we feel is so important. No-one is alone. It’s not possible. We are all connected and we all feel. We can avoid it as much as we like and think one’s better than the other, but we’re all the same. There is a lot stuff going on in the world that people can think it’s shit, but there’s also a lot of amazing things happening too and we just have to connect to each other and see people. That’s been my gift, being anxious - understanding feelings and seeing people. It’s really beautiful to be able to do that.
-End of Interview -
I hope you guys enjoyed reading this! I find it so expanding hearing stories from other women who have had anxiety and been able to learn and grow from it. During our interview Beanie also spoke about the power of working with your divine feminine. This is a juicy topic that I'd like to delve into a little more deeply so I'll include this information in another post. Keep an eye out! Thank you again Beanie! You're amazing!
If you’d like to find out more about Beanie or Soulfit Wellness Institute you can visit her website here.
Did this interview resonate with you? Did you have any aha’s? Have you tried kinesiology? Let me know in the comments.